Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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