Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sober January is a disaster.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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