Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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