Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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