Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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