Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
