Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
