margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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