I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
