Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
