i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
