yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
