This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
