Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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