No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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