Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
