is your mom at the bar?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize