oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
