How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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