Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
try to milk me bitch
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