Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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