so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Please don't give away my fajitas
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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