I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
