I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize