My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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