College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
