there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize