the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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