You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
