i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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