he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
