At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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