they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
