Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
