i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
