I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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