i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
