Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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