Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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