I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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