Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
third nipple confirmed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So vagazzling was a success
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize