The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
