The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
