i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
