If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
