oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
