He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
