I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
