All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
