the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
