i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
