Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
