even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize