the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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