If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
