she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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