I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
