we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
