I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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