dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
