FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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