Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
