I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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