I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just want to make out with him forever
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
