So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
