so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize