By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize