I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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