Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
