I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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