She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
