TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
