Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
