just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
