I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
