Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
