Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
