I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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