Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
