I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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