angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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