Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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