U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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