Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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