My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
