I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i will never coherently bang her
I cut my penus on the lid.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
