meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
