She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
