you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
