apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
