I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I hate all girls vehemently.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
