I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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