i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
