he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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