Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
