I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
