I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
