So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
