i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
