I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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