Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
