i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
