The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
