cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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